Mega Man's AM7 Journal

[MegaMan]

I'm using AM7 S0 6.5G in the 4 months, 120 days configuration. Ultrasonic, android phone, 8/15 volume.

Day 86, 1/3 off. 
Just woke up from a violent dream in the middle of the night, 3.30 am. The last few weeks waking up at this time happened a few times. But never more than 2 times in a row. And usually on a off day. Yesterday night was an on day, so today is a special case.
Usually when I notice I have a bad day, with less motivation, gloomy feelings and being unsure of the future and past, I notice it's the 2nd or 3rd off day. So S0 helps me to be better but this time it feels more like it has hit a wall and now something inside is hurting.
At the end I was first watching someone being beaten by somebody else they considered a friend but who took their girl. Then I heard like gossip about how this person was beaten so badly they got a broken jaw. Then a jump an I AM that person, huffing in a bathroom spitting blood and I am feeling the hurt. I never had a broken jaw but my subconscious came up with the best impression based on wisdom teeth removal. While I was thinking about blod clotting and calling an ambulance, I woke up. For a moment they pain remained and I also had a dry mouth which confused me like is this the clotted blood? Worst dream in months, easily.

The night before I woke up with a fright, turned out I had a really long mullet in the dream. Absurd, harmless and funny in comparison.

[MegaMan]

Day 87, 2/3 off.

Just woke up at 3.10 again. This time my dream was like from an episode of the Simpsons, but the characters were real people not cartoons. Lisa and Bart played a game together and Marge was at first worried if they would get along this time. But it turned out they had fun and just danced and sang like the game instructed and Marge was happy. They were happy too. Now the game had like levels to complete and the songs and dances got more complicated each time. Lisa and Bart kept at it over summer break and Marge was talking to the neighbors how happy she is the children seem to be getting along now much better.

But now the game it just, it didn't end. You had to do the dances together with the specific songs and then fill in a kind of spreadsheet that you did it. This unlocked the dance steps and the lyrics for the next level. And it just went on and on. Each time the songs got more words and the dances more steps. Where they would giggle and be full of joy and energy during the first week, by the second month they were taking it somehow serious preparing for an attempt of completion beforehand. By the third month it was just consuming them. The seasons kept changing and they kept doing it, got older and older, as teens still doing it. As young adults still doing it. Now as fully grown adults they finally completed the last song and dance. They are finished. But they don't even know why they started anymore. The joy and goggles were left behind long ago. They competed it only because they thought they must do it, but why did they have to do it? Maybe because they already came so far and didn't want to quit early. The truth is they just don't remember. Now they are alone in a big empty parking lot, they needed the space to complete the many many dance steps. And they just look at each other with dead eyes, both have a thousand yard stare and think about how they sacrificed years upon years for this. No vacations, no parties, no nothing just THE GAME. And now they have finished it and they have gained nothing, they have even lost the game. They are just empty and directionless, lost at sea because the lighthouse turned out to be a mirage.
Maybe they cry, maybe they just look at each other and say "good game" before they leave. It doesn't matter, they have lost what mattered, to them.

I'm trying the Brainwave Entrainment program "Sleep Magic" to fall asleep again now.