@Shannon
To add some thoughts... I'm kind of past the point where I see things as only positive and negative. Lots of things that happen to you, seem extremely negative when you are experiencing them, but at one point, when puzzle pieces start to form a clear picture, they have their important role in the positive that comes from it. You know, it's like a pendulum swing, the bigger the amplitude in one direction, the bigger it will be in the other aswell. It's just that very few are capable of handling the larger swings. And not only individuals.... There are swings that happen on societal level as well, and can take generations and centuries to play out. And when you play an important role in some some bigger one, you have to go through some bits of hell, just like you have. People who have had it too easy, will never be able to create something new or push things to another level, cause they lack necessary experience to make it happen. I'm well aware of all the patterns that at first sight can be seen as self sabotage, subc trying to avoid programs full execution... But in bigger picture, they can be just the right thing you need in some time in the future. I used to be worried about them, but life has thought to just go with the flow, and some interesting things may happen, that you never could have imagined, that go way past a point of getting layed today or tomorrow.
To add some thoughts... I'm kind of past the point where I see things as only positive and negative. Lots of things that happen to you, seem extremely negative when you are experiencing them, but at one point, when puzzle pieces start to form a clear picture, they have their important role in the positive that comes from it. You know, it's like a pendulum swing, the bigger the amplitude in one direction, the bigger it will be in the other aswell. It's just that very few are capable of handling the larger swings. And not only individuals.... There are swings that happen on societal level as well, and can take generations and centuries to play out. And when you play an important role in some some bigger one, you have to go through some bits of hell, just like you have. People who have had it too easy, will never be able to create something new or push things to another level, cause they lack necessary experience to make it happen. I'm well aware of all the patterns that at first sight can be seen as self sabotage, subc trying to avoid programs full execution... But in bigger picture, they can be just the right thing you need in some time in the future. I used to be worried about them, but life has thought to just go with the flow, and some interesting things may happen, that you never could have imagined, that go way past a point of getting layed today or tomorrow.