08-16-2018, 12:26 AM
Quote:Quote:I probably discovered an important reason why I am so much concerned about the anti-fap-module. I wasn't aware until now, but two days ago I realized that due some bad experiences in regard to sex in addition with my fears (especially of intimacy and doing something wrong) my present sexual experiences usually gave me LESS pleasure than masturbation. That's probably also the reason why I am not very motivated to execute the whole script, just the attraction part, because from that point of view I am already giving myself a far better experience and pleasure than any woman could give me. And until the anti-fap-module came in play in 3.2 it was not a problem, but now, it is like I have to exchange something really good with something that is just ok. So no wonder that I went so crazy about this module. I...just don't know what to do with this knowledge, because I still want sex with women on a conscious level - probably because it is somehow hardwired - but I would need some really good sex experiences to be more motivated to execute the whole script which probably would only happen if I already would execute the script...so some kind of hen and egg problem...
I can pretty much identify with this. I know part of my problem is probably a combination of this and this fear of letting my guard down around women. Even with the girl I'm still talking to, while I was over there I would constantly have problems with "finishing" as it were because (1) simple intercourse wasn't "pleasurable" enough. It was like I wasn't sensitive to that type of feeling to actually ejaculate from that. Which makes no sense because the one time I did (which a hand job was required) I noticed I was super sensitive afterwards. (2) Every time I would even get close it was like some old program in my mind would come up from somewhere in my subconscious and would deliberately "kill" the feeling completely. It really got ridiculous at times and I would usually just give up. But if I watched porn or something, nope no problem at all ejaculating. It even ran across my mind at the time that I find porn more pleasurable than regular sex. I think it might be from years of releasing that way for years and that some part of me is deathly afraid of allowing myself to feel that way with a real woman.
Well said.
In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.