10-28-2023, 03:40 PM
That explains the state I was in last night.
Went to bed and had a whole lot of physical stuff come up, this may sound crazy normally, but in the context of somatic trauma work it's normal. Like a few times on V1 it was intense enough that I had the strong urge to get up and shadow fight intensely, then pace up and down (fight and flight type energy) and then laid back down and was growling alot, all of this is about letting what wants to come up come up. Then I started having "fuck you fuck you fuck you" coming up, and after a few times reflexively imagined bullies from school and me beating the shit out of them. Interesting.
Also this obviously isn't something usually recommended, but in the past i've had thoughts to do alot of loops coming from frustration, but then the urge tells me "no that's too much". Well last night it was a strong urge, definately autoconfig guiding me. I did 8 loops which is tons considering the starting amount is 40 minutes.
And today I feel good, like i'm back to normal, refreshed and relaxed. It was almost like I needed all of that to deal with the intensity that was coming up.
And still having some desire to use the new X4a, but now it's manageable and i'm able to more easily choose to keep using OGSF.
Went to bed and had a whole lot of physical stuff come up, this may sound crazy normally, but in the context of somatic trauma work it's normal. Like a few times on V1 it was intense enough that I had the strong urge to get up and shadow fight intensely, then pace up and down (fight and flight type energy) and then laid back down and was growling alot, all of this is about letting what wants to come up come up. Then I started having "fuck you fuck you fuck you" coming up, and after a few times reflexively imagined bullies from school and me beating the shit out of them. Interesting.
Also this obviously isn't something usually recommended, but in the past i've had thoughts to do alot of loops coming from frustration, but then the urge tells me "no that's too much". Well last night it was a strong urge, definately autoconfig guiding me. I did 8 loops which is tons considering the starting amount is 40 minutes.
And today I feel good, like i'm back to normal, refreshed and relaxed. It was almost like I needed all of that to deal with the intensity that was coming up.
And still having some desire to use the new X4a, but now it's manageable and i'm able to more easily choose to keep using OGSF.