(03-01-2011, 10:28 AM)AwesomeYoungDude Wrote: Shannon, who changed?

Since starting Alpha Male 2011 I had a temporary paradigm shift in the appearance of two females. Both are acquaintances and only acquaintances. Both are average in looks. Both are mothers and one is still married the other is divorced. Neither is unattractive and neither would be considered knock out. In the past as I looked at them, they both showed signs of age. Several months ago prior to the start of AM11 I dreamt that I met one with her husband, in the dream her face had the beauty of youth. I mused in the dream and upon waking about her appearance. When I next saw her, not dreaming, she looked as before and not the representation from of dream.

Within the first few weeks of AM11 I saw each, in passing, and their appearance was different. As I looked at them I saw the beauty of their youth. I did not see what I has saw before. This temporary shift has occurred twice with the woman from the for-mentioned dream. I have since seen them and both appear as they were before the start of AM11 (but with a slight improvement in their overall attractiveness).

I've noticed this paradigm shift with looking at my wife. More and more when I look at her she is stunning.

So the question Shannon is who changed, them or me?

Does AM11 change the way that I look at females?

(08-24-2010, 11:47 PM)Shannon Wrote: ZMA, haven't heard of it. What's that stand for? Zinc-Mangesium-A? I probably should start using a good multivitamin again, some to think of it.

I get a pretty good night's sleep each night. Except when I wake up with a sinus headache from these damned thunderstorms we have here in Florida when it gets hot.

But, I am taking steps to make myself healthy as quickly as possible in an emotional sense, and I have surprised quite a few people who were expecting me to crash and burn already. I haven't turned to alcohol or anything stupid, and I'm dealing with the emotional pain as directly as possible, so it gets dealt with and processed instead of buried and hidden. I am going to need to be as healthy and strong as possible for the next phase of my life, so this I have to do right.

Tonight, I went out and did a photo safari for my photography class at the college. I signed up for it to force me out of the house, get me socializing, and help me get my "artistic soul" breathing. This all will result in a much faster emotional healing period for me. It felt good to go out alone and spend as long as I wanted setting up each shot. Can't do that when you're out with anyone else, if you shoot like I do. When I was in college for a photography degree, the instructors used to laugh because I shoot a small format 35 mm camera like I am shooting a large format view camera: it takes me several minutes of set-up to take a single shot. It's worth it, though. The results are great. Why they laughed, I'll never know. I think if more people spent the time to think through their photography and set up their shots, they'd get much better quality images, instead of high quantities of them.

One of the shots I did tonight (a night shot of a line of boats moored on the river) required a 4 minute exposure. And while I was waiting, I was enjoying the still and quiet of the night. Amazing how alone I was... it seemed almost like there was nobody else left in the world. Alone felt good. Quiet was nice. Allowing my creative soul to breathe felt good. But somehow, I get the feeling that there's something missing... and I am more and more feeling as if my time here is coming to an end. There are ghosts of my past everywhere around here... here I did photography of my ex Laura, and there, I shot my ex Bernadette, and... these memories sometimes make me wish for a clean slate. Especially since I am single at the moment, and probably should not be trying to be otherwise while I recover from the loss of my mother.

Ah, mom. I am reminded of her everywhere I go here, too. Her doctor's office... the time I shot her on her 62nd birthday... the time three years ago when we had Thanksgiving dinner on the island...

My family has been coming together a lot more since she passed on, which is good, but we have a catch 22 now. Two more of them are almost ready to go, and I am feeling the pull to move away. Rather an odd bit of timing for all of this. I expect that I will be here for no more than couple more years at the most, and then be off to somewhere else where I will find that clean slate.

Florida does not agree with me. Someone recently told me they think it "short circuits" my energy, and I cannot disagree. For those who have an unusual point of view, or an open mind, Florida can be a cage. Most people here do not appreciate such things. I think I would be much happier somewhere more open and free.

Soon enough, I am sure.